A friend of ours is the father of two teenaged girls. He is a muscular football coach. When young men attempt to call his daughters or to take them out on dates, he demands that they speak first with him on the telephone and then he meets every potential date in person. He makes sure they know just how big and strong he is, and that he will personally break their necks if they disrespect his daughter. His daughters may roll their eyes, but you can see they are proud of their dad and even more proud of the fact that he is willing to protect and defend them. Our friend is a hero to his daughters.

In contrast, Shakespeare’s King Lear is a proud, vain, and foolish old man. His rash temper and vanity lead to catastrophe: the alienation and ultimate death of his only truly loving daughter, Cordelia. Rejected by his remaining two daughters, Lear rails in his madness, "I am a man more sinned against than sinning." [1]

How many fathers today think the same? The dad whose daughter gets caught up in drugs and runs away, or the daughter whose boyfriend talks her into premarital sex and then dumps her. The daughter who goes to college and loses her faith. How many fathers blame the lethal culture--or simply blame their rebellious daughters?

Instead, should they blame themselves?

Many good men have been deceived by the culture that they are ineffective, unnecessary, and even offensive to women if they act masculine and authoritative. Today men are deemed radically unnecessary: women enjoy high paying careers, a “Sex and the City” lifestyle, babies through sperm donors, and spending time with their girlfriends--who are the only ones who really understand the significance of a pair of Jimmy Choo shoes.   Men are viewed as idiots (Homer Simpson) or eye candy (Dr. McDreamy).

But this is a lie. Our culture is facing a crisis of masculinity. Husbands are abdicating their role as protector and provider; dads are abdicating their role as fathers and spiritual leaders of their family.

The importance of fathers

Teen pregnancy, depression, sexually transmitted diseases, eating disorders, school failure, drug and alcohol abuse may all be preventable with a strong father–daughter relationship. Dr. Meg Meeker, pediatrician and author of Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters puts forth a compelling argument for the need for fathers to step up. She writes: “After more than twenty years of listening to daughters—and doling out antibiotics, anti-depressants, and stimulants to girls who have gone without a father’s love—I know just how important fathers are.” [2]

Research bears this out. Kids who feel connected to their parents (and whose parents spend more time with them) fare better. In fact, parent connectedness is the number one factor in preventing girls from engaging in premarital sex and indulging in drugs and alcohol. Girls who feel connected with their dads are more self-assured, do better in school, and are less likely to suffer from low self-esteem, depression and eating disorders. They are also less likely to engage in risky behaviors such as smoking, drinking, and sexual activity. [3]

The dangers facing young girls today are far greater than those faced by previous generations. We are experiencing an epidemic of sexually transmitted diseases. Middle school girls engage in unwanted sex because their boyfriends expect it. Teen pregnancy, depression, eating disorders, drug and alcohol use…young girls today face serious―even life-threatening―issues. [4]

Young girls’ fragile self-esteem

Today, young girls are pressured to engage in sexual activities; they contend with overt sexuality in the media, increased academic demands, media hyping thinness, rampant materialism, dual-career or single parents. All of this adds up to an increase in depression, anxiety, low self-esteem and other disorders. Low self-esteem is frequently correlated with risk behaviors such as smoking, drinking, drug use, and sexual activity.

Fathers have a crucial role to play here, too. Dads can help their daughters achieve a healthy sense of self-esteem. A dad who combines both affection and clear guidance will be more successful in helping his daughter become a mature, self-reliant individual who practices self-control and who maintains her father’s values. Dictatorial dads who are all about rules and maintaining control--but who do not provide warmth and connectedness--tend to raise immature, anxious, and sometimes even rebellious daughters. The other extreme, the dad who is a “best bud,” will not teach his daughter to have self-control or perseverance, to protect herself, or how to remain true to her values.  

The victim-princess

Meeker writes that there are two types of women: princesses and pioneers. A princess believes that everyone else is there to serve her and that she deserves better in life. Princesses expect everything and everyone to be perfect. She tends to be unhappy, because nothing in life measures up.

Pioneers know that they have to work hard in order to take charge of their own life and that this will bring them happiness. Pioneers are pragmatic and strive to solve their own problems. They are humble and courageous. They do not expect others to create or cause their own happiness.

Dads can help their daughters become self-reliant, confident and capable of true happiness. Every doting father wants his daughter to be his “little princess,” but Meeker advises dads to be careful not to over-indulge her. Meeker writes, “Ask her this simple question: ‘So what can you do about it?’. . . Don’t let your daughter grow up to be a victim of life.” [5]

Faith is critical

Studies also show many benefits from a young girl’s belief in God. Religious adolescents are more likely to abstain from sex before marriage and are less likely to engage in substance abuse. Both premarital sex and drug use increase the likelihood of future depression—especially for adolescent girls. [6]

Meeker lists even more benefits to religious participation: it gives girls psychological maturity, helps them set boundaries and stay out of trouble, helps them with self-esteem, increases the likelihood of good grades and protects them from bad influences. [7] Dads can show their daughters the importance of faith by being men of prayer and integrity themselves.

“Be the man you want your daughter to marry,” says Meeker.   Every man is compared to our father: if we have a good relationship with our dad, we will choose boyfriends who treat us well. If our dad was cold and unaffectionate, it will be difficult to form healthy relationships. [8]

Girls need their fathers’ courage, self-confidence, assertiveness, and empathy. Girls need dads to be heroes. But it is not that hard, according to Meeker. It is not that hard to be a hero to a young girl, because her world revolves around her dad and everything he does is amazing to her. Just a hug, a supportive comment, a smile can do the trick.

Our friend with two teenaged daughters who adore him is a hero because he protects them, defends them against predators, and loves them fiercely. It is not really that hard to be a hero. A hero is warm and affectionate. He teaches his daughter right and wrong and is a strong leader. A hero believes in his daughter, supports her when she makes mistakes, loves her unconditionally. A hero is a man of integrity, courage, and faith.